Tag Archives: Nick Knowles

Black Friday Black Outs

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Breaking plunged into darkness news just in… The whole of Beckworth has just experienced a two hour black out due to fighting Black Friday customers knocking over the town’s Christmas tree. The brawling crowd managed to flatten the tree whilst clamoring for discounted sausage rolls on sale at the bakers. This in turn blew the town’s main fuse, hence the loss of power. Thank goodness local electrician Nick Knowles was on hand with a spare fuse and a torch. Well done Mr Nick. Christine Batley. Chief Reporting By Candlelight Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

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(Above) The lights go out in Beckworth making it literally a Black Friday

Lightning Strikes Twice At Theme Park

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Hello all. Last night the World famous Iceland foods themed Iceland Land Theme Park in Slocombe was struck by lightning, not once but twice, causing damage to two of it’s most popular rides. The Kerry Katona Big Wheel had some seats burnt to a cinder and the Johnny Depp Carrousel had it’s roof burnt off. Thank goodness the park was closed at the time, otherwise people could have been seriously hurt and want their money back. The storm raged for over 8 hours and 12 fire engines had to attend the fires, which are now safely under control. It is hoped the damaged rides will be quickly fixed by local DIY SOS legend Nick Knowles and a massive clear up by the local scouts and guides is already underway. On hearing of the fire a spokesperson for Iceland figurehead Kerry Katona said “Ms Katona isn’t up yet but she’d pass the message on.” The theme park manager is keen to stress that 56.5% of the park is still open for business and was quoted during the electrical storm as saying “Hey Mum, this school holiday bring the kid’s down to Iceland Land and buy some out-of date party food whilst you’re here.” Christine Batley. Chief Storm Damage Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

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(Above) Lighning strikes the Kerry Katona and Johnny Depp rides last night

Bank Holiday Fish Races

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Hello all. Remember that this bank holiday Monday brings with it the annual Beckworth MayDay Fish Race. A fun morning for all the family, but please remember to keep all cats indoor. We want to avoid last years fiasco whereby the competition favourite was eaten by a ginger tom before the race was even under starters orders.

Competitors, please bring your race-prepared fishes (You should all have been issued with your race colours and unique numbers to paint on the sides of your aquatic entry) to the Pamela Anderson Memorial Room in the library at 9:30 for the weigh-in. The race will start at 11 sharp from the Ginsters Bridge, and the starter this year will be local celeb, and TV’s favourite brick-layer, Nick Knowles (himself a big fan of fish).

Please keep an eye on weather forecasts, if it is stormy the race will take place in Beckworth High School’s swimming pool. See you Monday. G.Grimsby. Mayor

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