Tag Archives: Noel Edmunds

Beckworth Bonfire Bonanza

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Hello all. Next Saturday is the annual Beckworth Bonfire night and this year we’re hoping for a huge record breaking display to make up for last year’s appalling lack of fireworks. You may remember a robbery last October left us with just one catherine wheel and a handful of faulty sparklers to entertain the townsfolk (who were slightly disapointed as tickets were £25 a head non-refundable). This year everyone will get their moneys worth as the ticket includes a free glow-in-the-dark wristband and prices have only gone up by 25% (to cover the cost of wrist bands and council bonuses). Attractions will include an unlit bonfire (due to health and safety concerns), a candle-light parade (adults only) and a woolen effigy of Guy Fawkes lovingly made by local knitwear designer Kath Kidson. At 7.30 there will be a torch-lit kite display from Noel Edmunds (weather permitting) and for the under-5s the Postman Pat dancers will be hosting an open-air disco. Haute cuisine will include a burger van will be selling partially-cooked meat dishes and the main event will of course be the setting off over 50 large fireworks (with local celeb Zara Philips lighting the fuses). Also, not to be missed at 6.30 the Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors will be staging the gun powder plot (complete with horses, false-beards and real gun powder) in the scout hut. So see you there! G. Grimsby. Mayor

Beckworth catherine Wheel

(Above) Last years firework display after almost all the fireworks were stolen

New Term At Re-Sited Beckworth FE College

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Hello to you all. May I take this opportunity to introduce myself to you and to our wonderful re-sited Further Education college. My name is Barbara Windsor (Not the one who’s bra fell off in Carry On Camping nor the one in Eastenders, though we do share certain noticeable physical attributes) and I am the head of the faculty. Over the summer we moved into our lovely new site on Madonna Lane, where we share a building with KwikFit, and yesterday the college was officially opened by ex-alumni, and local author, Katie “Jordan” Price. Due to an increase of space and improved facilities we can now offer more courses, for both the young, old and infirm. Induction week starts next Monday and we have a lot of evening classes on offer, including some new ones such as Welding For Beginners, Tantric Sex (Taught by Gordon Sumner), Living With Jihad, Arm Wrestling, Noel Edmunds‘s Kite Flying Lessons, Forgeries and print-making, and Deep Sea Diving theory… So join us next week but you better be quick as demand is bound to be high. Yours Barbara Windsor (Mrs). Head of the Faculty. Beckworth Further Education College

Beckworth_Katie_Price

(Above) Ex-student Katie Price opens the new FE College

French Market This Sunday

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Hello all. Don’t forget this Sunday, 28th April, the annual french Le Marche De Fromage Et Onion (Cheese And Onion Market) will be in town. It’s your once in a year opportunity to buy expensive french cheeses and onions directly from people with no manners, dirty hands and only the slightest grasp of the English language.

Sadly wine won’t be offered for sale this year after last years drunken debacle outside the library. Nor will we tolerate urinating in the street, except at the pop-up urinals.

As usual the march of the Emmental Fromagiers will set off from from Town Hall steps at 10am, parade along Floyd Street into the Square and then declare the market open.

Weather permitting there will be events all day for the whole family, including morris dancing by The Beckworth Bothamers, a kite display by local celebrity Noel Edmunds and of course in the afternoon the crowning of Beckworth’s Miss Garlic 2013.

Not to be missed will be the steam-driven carrousel and dodgems, Flintlock Farm’s Mobile Petting Zoo and we are pleased to welcome back, after a serious illness, Derek Shipston’s (non-violent PC) Punch & Judy show.

A must see this year will be the Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors staging the Battle Of Agincourt (complete with borrowed horses) at The Sports Field. 

So Bonjour to one and all, Mayor Gary Grimsby

Cheese_stall