Hello all. This is third time this week I’ve seen the ex-Pope (John Paul George Ringo II) on my way between pubs. Today I was walking up Madonna Lane when I saw him getting a tool kit and pipes from his old pope-mobile (that he’s cunningly disguised as a plumber’s van). As he had his hands full I offered to get a packet of cigarettes out from his overall pockets, so we could both have a smoke and catch up on events in the Vatican City. You would have thought i’d told him God doesn’t exist by the way he told me to “go away” using very colourfull language, and he’s still insisting his name’s Rod. I’ll tell you, it’s no wonder he’s the ex-leader of The Catholic Church and not still in the job, he’s got the vocabulary of Kerry Katona and the manners of a football player. All the best, Colonel T. Ludlow (Ret’d)

(Above) The ex-Pope getting his plumbing tools from his Pope-mobile earlier today