Happy New Year to all Beckworthians. I hope this message finds you well rested and ready to work extra hard this year (and decade). I myself have been away for my annual two week jaunt to the magical and hot far east and so once again missed out on Beckworth’s New Years’ eve (council funded) entertainment on the rain sodden sports field. I have been told by many of my staff that all went smoothly… The traditional death by burning of Old Man Beckworth (to say goodbye to 2019) eventually happened thanks to the last minute purchase of petrol from the 24 hour garage and the “birthing” of Baby Beckworth was a great success to welcome in 2020. Once again due to council cut backs there was no breathtaking pyrotechnic display this year, but the money saved is better spent going towards good causes such as having a new large TV and Alexa in the Mayoral office. Also worth a mention is that this year the Annual Beckworth Midnight Swim was well attended, with three people taking part, although one was unintentional and needed rescuing by our brave boys and girls of the fire brigade, bravo to them. So here’s to a prosperous new decade. Thanking you most warmly. Aashif Ackworth. New Mayor

Hello Beckworth. This is your glorious leader speaking. I wanted to take this opportunity to wish almost all of you a wonderful Christmas, and to ask for you to be vigilant. Yesterday some mindless vandals vandalised my precious 2 year old BMW, removing something called a Calorific Converter, rendering the car immobile. They also left white dog poo on my gravel driveway. MAY THEY ROT THIS FESTIVE SEASON!!!! If you witnessed either event please inform the Police, we need this scum off the streets NOW. Also if you have a posh car I can borrow until mine is fixed I would be very grateful. It would need delivering to my home asap with a full tank of petrol and travel sweets in the glove-box. Thanking you most warmly, Merry Christmas. Aashif Ackworth. New Mayor.