Hello all. For the second time this week I’ve seen the ex-Pope (John Paul George Ringo II). I was falling out of the pub early this morning after a lock-in to celebrate baby King George’s birthday when i spotted the Pontiff buying his poodle some tins of food in the corner shop. Interestingly he is now saying he’s not the ex-Pope but a semi-retired plumber called Rod. But blotto or not I know an ex-Bishop of Rome when I see one. Anyway, as a gesture of friendship I tried to ponce more cigarettes off him, but he claimed he had just given up smoking. If he wasn’t the ex-leader of The Catholic Church I’d have said the blighter was lying. All the best, Colonel T. Ludlow (Ret’d)

PS many thanks to Leslie Warwick for the tea cosy. It is a perfect replacement for my lost balaclava

(Above) The ex-Pope’s Poodle waits patiently outside the corner shop