Hello all. Don’t forget that tomorrow, Sunday, the annual french Le Marche De Fromage Et Onion (Cheese And Onion Market) will be in town. It’s your once in a year opportunity to buy expensive french cheeses, breads, veg and onions directly from people who smell of garlic, swear profusely, eat amphibian’s legs for breakfast and are drunk and befuddled by mid-morning.

Once again wine won’t be offered after the many drunken altercations in recent years. Nor will we tolerate urinating in the street, not even down opened-manhole covers.

Due to a recent run of bad luck (incarceration, illness, strikes, deaths etc) the famous Emmental Fromagiers (“Cheese Soldiers”) will not, as is tradition, be parading and declaring the market open. Instead local girl Julie Walters will parade along with some girl guides and do the honours at 10am.

Weather permitting there will be events all day for the whole family, including morris dancing by The Beckworth Bothamers, donkey rides, a coconut shy, a daredevil kite display by local celebrity Noel Edmunds and of course in the afternoon the crowning of Beckworth’s Miss Garlic 2016.

Not to be missed this year the Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors will be staging a recreation of the making of the Bayeux Tapestry. Using donated fuzzy felt.

So Bonjour to one and all, Mayor Gary Grimsby

(Above) The famous battle-hardened French cheese soldiers who sadly will be absent from this year’s market