Who Invented Gravity?

Hello all and happy autumn. Professor Brian here, and once again I’ve been asked to help those of you who don’t have my huge intelligence or good looks and great hair. Today, i’m answering a question emailed in from a Mr Arsene Wenger of North London and it’s one I get asked most harvest times. Arse says “Dear Brian. Yesterday I was sitting under a tree sheltering from the rain and a pear fell on my head. It got me thinking, who invented gravity and how long ago? I guess there was a time before it existed but history books don’t mention it. Please can you help? Yours, A Wenger”

Great question Mr Venger, but first may I suggest to you that you avoid sitting under a tree during a storm as it’s very dangerous (but that’s a story for another day). Also pears having nothing to do with the story of gravity… but amazingly another fruit does.
To find out when gravity was invented I had to do a lot of research and found myself in Beckworth library reading about the middle ages (i’m not sure what they were in the middle of yet, but with my inteligence i’m bound to find out).

I discovered a dusty old book called an Encyclopedia which explained that gravity hadn’t always existed and was invented some time between 1200AD and the out-break of World War One (some chapters were missing from the book so an exact date is beyond me). I did find out that it’s inventor was a Mr Sir Ian Newton. He was a scientist like me, but as he hasn’t played in a 1980s pop band as I have, you may not have heard of him. Anyway, one autumn day after hard day being scientific Mr Newton was resting under a tree when an apple (probably a Cox) fell on his head. Being very clever like me he got to thinking about apples and trees and stuff. He spent years (and lots of juicy apples) experimenting and soon had invented gravity. Although we now take it pretty much for granted it wasn’t until years after Newton’s death that gravity was accepted as existing. So poor old Mr Sir Ian never knew how his invention would enrich human lives, and make us very wary of resting in orchards. I hope that answers your question Arse.

With his fact complete I’m rushing off to meet my close friends Spandau Ballet in the Sainsco Cafe. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.

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(Above) Dr Cox tries to get to grips with an apple whilst explaining gravity earlier today

Show Your Support For Nature In All It’s Glory

Hello. This Sunday the Beckworth and Slocombe naturists will be raising funds for the scout hut roof by attempting to abseil up and down the Shard in London with the aim of raising at least £40 in sponsorship. Seven of our most adventurous members will be climbing up, with a further four are taking the lift, and all hope to slide down the high-rise building before getting arrested. We were inspired by a similar fundraiser when last year local WeightWatchers did a sponsored abseil up and down Nelsons Column, which although it ended in the hospitalisation of seven dieters and the arrest of a further eleven did raise an eye-watering £73, which they spent on scales and cakes. My close friend Wayne, who is both a dieter and a naturist is confident our attempt will go more smoothly, especially as our naked flesh should slide smoothly on the glass building. I will post photos online after the event, in the meantime please visit our website to donate… and if you’re in London on Sunday please come along, you’ll get a great view (weather permitting). Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

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(Above) The shard offers amazing views for naturists