Ray Winstone | Life in Beckworth

Hello. This Saturday your local naturists (the Beckworth and Slocombe branch) are sending a team to the 27th International Festival Of Nude Whistling And Shouting and we still have some seats available on the coach. The event is being held in the romantic city of Damascus and we’ve room for another fortyone broad-minded people. We’ll be setting off early on Friday, driving all night and staying overnight Saturday in a naturist friendly youth hostel. If you are keen to go nude and support finalists in the World Nude Vocalising Championships this is the weekend for you. Last year’s Nude Shouter winner Ray Winstone is hoping to make it two in a row but is up against 2013 winner Sylvester “Sly” Stallone, and Hollywood stunner Julia Roberts, representing the USA, will try to retain her title in the Naked Whistling. My close friend Wayne, himself a runner up whistler in years gone by, said Damascus will be a wonderful place to spend Valentines Day and is promising me a big surprise when it gets dark on Saturday night. I wonder if he’s entered us both into the duets section of the Nude Karaoke? If you’d like to see Wayne take me by surprise please come along. The trip will cost £475 per person but that does include bed and breakfast. I hope to see you on the coach, Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

(Above) Beautiful Ms Julia Roberts, pictured whilst unusually still wearing clothes, will try to retain her title in the Naked Whistling but will come up against stiff competition

Hello. This Saturday your local naturists (the Beckworth and Slocombe branch) are honoured to be hosting the 26th International Festival Of Nude Whistling And Shouting, the first time the event has been held in the UK for over 25 years. The main attraction, besides the vintage steam fair and nude brass bands, will be the final rounds of the World Nude Vocalising Championships, with contestants from as far afield as North Korea, Iran and Sheffield taking part. Meryl Streep, representing the USA, will try to retain her title in the Naked Whistling and local lad Ray Winstone says he has been training hard in the hope of toppling Nude Shouter 2013 “Sly” Sylvester Stallone, who won the event for a record three years running. Sadly nude yodelling has been dropped due to the scandal at last years’ final (held in the Vatican City, Rome) which forced an intervention by riot police and the Pope‘s own bodyguards. My close friend Wayne, himself a semi-finalist, said the reaction was very heavy handed and out of all proportion to the minor fracas in the Sistine Chapel toilets. “Arresting Helena Bonham Carter, the runner-up, was an insult to the world of yodelling and damaging to the Vatican’s reputation” he told me in the bath afterwards. This year spectators of all ages are welcome, admission is free and the venue will be the sports field, or in the case of inclement weather, the scout hut. So come along and see men and woman of all ages make very loud noises in the buff. See you there, Lionel T. Worton. Secretary. Beckworth and Slocombe Naturists

(Above) The Pope blissfully unaware of the yodelling fracas occurring in the toilets behind him meets a member of the public who’s disguised as a ghost

Life in Beckworth

Bringing you the (almost) everyday comings and goings of the residents of Beckworth, a typical English market town. Informing you about their lives through the mediums of words, images, an interactive map and stereophonic sound recordings

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