Monthly Archives: November 2020

Don’t Miss The Virtual Panto Auditions This Week And Next

Posted on by
Reply

Howdy fun seekers… Pantomime season will be upon us before we know it and so this week and next The Beckworth Players will be holding our annual open auditions. You, the dear untalented public, can apply for some very minor parts in this year’s not-to-be-missed theatrical extravaganza Jack & The Beansprout. Yes, from this Thursday or Friday we will start looking for fresh talent for our much anticipated 2017 panto (admittedly a scaled back production, which may or may not be online only…). Is stardom waiting for you? If so why not audition… Needless to say the few good parts have already been taken by key members of The Beckworth Players, but we still need new talent for the parts no one else wants to do. Auditions will be held via Zoom and are open to anyone who’s not been touched by the ugly stick or eaten all the mince pies, so if you’re past your prime or have a voice that makes people vomit please don’t waste our time. So please zoom us and show us your talent. You must be over 18 or at least look it.

See you Thursday, Chico (producer)

 

This Weeks Election, Real Displeasure

Posted on by
Reply

All eyes may be on the US Election, and our minds on how to cope with Lockdown 2.0, so here’s what we dished up as a distraction for the ears…

You can catch up at anytime on Soundcloud.com just search for Inmate B42359, and below is this week’s playlist.

The show is on twice weekly on www.madwaspradio.com, 7pm Fridays (GMT) and 10am Saturdays (GMT) and you can also. Please don’t forget to send my cellmate Len music related queries for his Listerpedia slot and we’d love to hear from you…
so please email us at inmateB42359@gmail.com

01 Arrow – Fritz

02 Hot Heater - Pottery

03 Smash It Up, Pt. 1 - The Damned

04 Never Stop - Echo And The Bunnymen

05 Imidiwan ma tennam - Tinariwen & Nels Cline (Wilco)

06 Conesuala - Tyrannosaurus Rex

07 Dearest Alfred - Khruangbin

08 Bonfire - The Big Moon

09 Fireworks - First Aid Kit

10 My Guy - Mary Wells

11 Funky President (People It’s Bad) - James Brown

12 Abraham, Martin & John - Marvin Gaye

13 Televised Mind (radio edit) - Fontaines D.C.

14 Mack the Knife - Bobby Darin

Record Player Coloured Vinyl V3

 

Remembrance Sunday Service & Parade Online Today

Posted on by
Reply

Hello my flock. Just to remind you that, due to lockdown, today’s Remembrance Day Parade and Service will all be taking place online, via something i’m still getting to grips with called Zoom, not this website.

There is no limit on the amount of people who can “attend” the service, so why not tell your friends? If my internet works ok the service will starts at 2pm today with the immortal words “Dear God can you hear me? Is my video switched on?” The service will be followed at 3.15 by a “procession” (consisting of the regional head of scouting Sir Bob-bob-bob-dib-dib-dib Geldof poignantly marching alone) from the church to lay a wreath of poppies at the War Memorial. You can follow all the action via your computer as it is to be filmed via the Verger’s phone live from a safe distance. 

Please join us for both the service and procession this afternoon. May your God be with you, Cyril Knutsford. The “Virtual” Vicar. Beckworth St Faiths

BobGeldofscout

(Above) Sir Bob-bob-bob-dib-dib-dib Geldof photographed from a safe distance

Sneaky Joe Wins U.S. Election (Alegedly)

Posted on by
Reply

Breaking US Presidential Election News Just In…  My editor has just told me that we (may) have to accept that Peaky Joe Biden will be the next US President and pretend we’ve supported him all along. It looks as if the Democrats have “won” enough votes to break into the Whitehouse next year. Personally I say don’t crack open the champagne just yet as the “real” winner Donald Trump may come up from behind and take his rightful place when all the lawsuits come to fruition. Watch this space, things may get a bit bumpy for a while! I’ll keep you posted with any news or dirt on Biden. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Political Theft Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

Fudge Model Village To Go Virtual This Week Due To Lockdown Restrictions

Posted on by
Reply

Dear all. As you will doubtless know this week (9 – 15 Nov) is traditionally International Toffee & Fudge Week. A time when the whole world puts its differences behind them and comes together to celebrate the globes’ favourite sugar based confectionary. In recent years, we in the Uk, have been able to commemorate our great British caramelising tradition with a visit to our very own 75%-built “Fudgeworth” (the model village of Beckworth made entirely of fudge). The site’s “builders” Anthony “Tony” Worrall-Thompson and son Heston Blumenthal have tirelessly continued to build through all the lockdowns (and who hope to finish the council estate by Easter) but as the village is shut due to lockdown no visitors are allowed. But ladies and gents and children of Beckworth the plucky duo will this week be hosting virtual tours via the hotels website. Why not book your tour, its just £37.49 a head… and don’t forget let’s get making more fudge as the duo still need thousands of fudge bricks. As an equal opportunities hotel with wheelchair access there’s no excuse for anyone on benefits or furlough not dropping off fudge or having a tour online. Thanks, Sandy Luton, General Manager, Hill View Hotel

We’re Giving Weedy Joe A Break…

Posted on by
Reply

Breaking US Presidential Election News Just In…  My editor has explained to me in no uncertain terms that we should show impartiality during the US election and try to say something positive about Great Grandpa Walton, I mean Biden. I’ve never seen him so rattled since Blair got into power. Anyway, saying something constructive about the old communist relic is really in case he does steal the election from the best US President ever, Donald Trump and wants to advertise in the paper… I’ve racked my brains about what to write about Old Man Biden that is neither derogatory or untrue, its been very hard but i’ve settled on he has a neat grey haircut, which suits an ancient Democrat. Job done. Now lets get back to preying that President Trump stays in the Whitehouse making America great again. I’ll keep you posted with any news or gossip but don’t expect any more Biden compliments! Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Political Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

Forget, Forget, It’s The Fifth Of November

Posted on by
Reply

Hello my dear townsfolk. It’s your lockdown leader here with news about tonights bonfire celebrations… As you know lockdown and budget cuts mean that this year’s bonfire celebrations won’t be happening tonight. Sadly, not even online. We had hoped to create an amazing virtual event, with a video of a bonfire, an animated guy, and the local Peppa Pig tribute band playing songs online for you all to dance to sing and dance along to. We also hoped to have onscreen fireworks. But sadly as we don’t currently have an IT department we had to give up… For now. We do hope to have a bonfire celebration of sorts in the New Year once we’ve seen off Covid and can mix together without fear of death. So that’s something to look forward to. I have been told that Prof Brian Cox may tell the story of the gunpowder plot via zoom, but that’s not been confirmed as we can’t afford to pay him. Have a safe Bonfire night. Yours Aashif Ackworth. Mayo

President Trump Is Just “Biden” His Time

Posted on by
Reply

Breaking US Presidential Election News Just In… This election is proving to be nail-biting stuff (unfortunate as the nail has shut for lockdown!). A friend of a friend of a friend who allegedly knows someone in President Trump’s marvellous campaign team has just told me via zoom that he believes Mr Trump will romp home to win a second term when all the (legal) non-postal votes are counted. He said Donald is currently letting Grumpy Joe Biden believe he ‘s going to win, and then in a twist worthy of a Hollywood blockbuster (or a chapter in President Trump’s future best selling autobiography) he will sweep in and save America from the disaster the Democrats would be. I do hope he’s right. The world needs four more years of Donald’s straight talking and anti-foreigner rhetoric if we’re to survive Covid and the coming recession. If Sleepy Joe did become President by fraudulent means a silver lining would be that the ensuing court battles would probably kill off the senile old duffer. I’ll keep you posted with any news or gossip. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Political Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette

Shops, Restaurants & Pubs Stay Open Late Before Another Pointless Lockdown Bites

Posted on by
Reply

Hello all. I’m pleased to announce that many local shops, restaurants, cafes and pubs will be staying open late tonight so you can buy Christmas presents early, eat and make merry before the draconian second lockdown comes into effect. Its important we all support our local businesses and if possible bulk buy. I myself will be getting my hair done, buying a lot of new shoes and then grabbing an Indian on my way to the Blind Badger… Happy shopping, eating & drinking, stay safe. Yours sincerely, Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce

Whatever The Outcome, Trump Will Be The Real Winner

Posted on by
Reply

Breaking US Presidential Election Thoughts Just In… This election may currently be anyones to win, though my money is still on the charismatic Donald winning a second (and third?) term, but one thing is becoming clear. Whatever the outcome of this (potentially) fraudulent election President Trump will be remembered for his statesmanship in office and world changing policies the positive ripples we are all benefitting from. This election highlights his true light as a modest humble man who’s selflessness has been a beacon of hope whilst we battle the Chinese pandemic. I’ll keep you posted with any election news or gossip, and lets pray Sneezy Joe fails in his attempt to steal the presidency. Christine Batley. Deputy Chief Political Correspondent. Beckworth And Slocombe Herald Incorporating Nightly Gazette