Valiant Son Resumes Ice-Skating Quest

Dear Beckworth and a big hello to the legions of my husband Noel’s fans. Apologies  for not keeping you informed of the whereabouts of our youngest son Neil, the World famous ice skating champion and mime artist. As you know he left Beckworth a few months ago to take on a death-defying challenge, to skate and mime solo around the World, and was last heard of arriving in Liege, Belgium. Since then poor Neil has had to rest up for months in a five-star hotel due to a sprained ankle and visa violations. But now he is fully mended and with a valid passport is on the move again… With your help he aims to buy a first-class train ticket to Gdansk, to enter next months’ Eastern European Mime, Ice Skating and Whelk Eating Championships. It will be televised so his Dad and I are going join Neil there, and we will be representing the UK to in the mixed-doubles figure-skating category, so wish us luck. We are hoping this will get us interviewed on Euro telly, which will do wonders for Noel selling the Telly Addicts format overseas. You can sponsor us, or Neil on his 36 month gap year trip around the world, via his dad’s Deal Or No deal website or by giving us your credit card details in person. Please give generously! Many thanks (Mrs) Nell Edmonds

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(Above) Noel and Nell Edmonds practice their tripple-silco in advance of competing in the Gdansk championships

Poisonous Snake Found

Dear All. Please take care and be vigilant as Beckworth may have become infested by a swarm of hostile snakes!! I have just found one in a lettuce on my allotment, and looking it up on Dr Brian Cox’s website have identified it as the world’s smallest venomous snake. To quote the keyboard-playing professor it is called “the pygmy cheese python (latin: pythonus camembert pygmius), is a native of Southern France and Belgium that likes to make it’s nest in soft cheeses, can grow to over 2″ in length and has a venom so strong it could kill two grown men with one bite, if they were stood very close to each other.” In other words handle with caution as it’s a killer! I tried to hand this one into the Police but they said they don’t deal with vermin, so i’ve put back in my neighbours vegetable patch until I can work out what to do with it. Beckworth take care. Clifford

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(Above) The Pygmy Cheese Python photographed on my allotment just before lunch