Why Do We Have New Years Day… And Is There A Cure For A New Year’s Eve Hangover?

Hello all and happy New Year to all my fans and scholars. Professor Brian here, and (due to contractual agreement) I’ve been asked to answer a query from those of you who don’t have my huge capacity for knowledge or my natural handsomeness and lovely hair. Today’s question has been emailed, texted and shouted at me by dozens of you recently… “Why do we have a New Year’s Day? And Is There A Cure For A New Year’s Eve Hangover?” Funilly enough, this is the fourth most asked question I get asked whilst out and about shopping in town and so know the answer without looking it up (for those interested the most common enquiry I get is “Why is the earth round?” Second; “How long is a piece of string?” And the third “Can you get that tin down off the top shelf for me please”).

In a break from tradition I’m going to answer this question in two parts, so you dear general public can take it all on board. Also, neither of them will be explained here today as i’m still feeling a bit “reupholstered” from seeing in 2015 with my dear friends from the cast of Downton Abbey and Holby. So hold tight a few more hours, or more likely days, and i’ll tell all asap. Promise.

In the meantime I’m rushing off to meet my close friends Take That in the Sainsco Cafe. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.

Beckworth_TakeThat

(Above) Sir Brian Cox’s close friends Take That pictured with some 2nd hand bargains they’d bought earlier today at the church hall jumble sale

Found: Bride Groom’s Tie

Hello. Big news at the police station this morning as a Groom’s tie has been found attached to a tree. It was found in the early hours by an off-duty member of the fire service who was trying to get a neighbour’s cat down. The area around the tree is currently sealed off whilst anti-terror officers carry out a controlled-explosion in case the tie is a booby-trap. The necktie is made of man-made fibre and looks like the sort of thing worn by Prince William and husbands-to-be such in programmes like My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding and Downton Abbey. So does it belong to you? Have you woken up naked this morning handcuffed to a lamp-post? Are you needing bolt-cutters to get free and a clean pair of pants to hide your frost-bitten modesty? Would you rather this torrid affair doesn’t appear as a reconstruction on CrimeWatch? If so CID would like to hear from you as soon as possible. Please ring 999 and ask for PC R Cowgrove at Beckworth Police station. I will be single-handedly handling this neck-wear case and hope to be in line for a very large cash reward when I return what remains of the tie to it’s rightful owner. I’ll keep you posted on developments. Yours, PC Cowgrove. Beckworth Police

Beckworth Grooms Tie

(Above) The groom’s tie just before being blown up