Happy New From The Council

Happy New Year To You All. Well it’s back to work with a bump for me as we’ve had almost all of our computers stolen. In fact the only one left in the town hall is the one i’m currently using, which is an old pc we keep for emergencies. We eventually found it stashed behind the cisterns in the ladie’s loo, hence my delay in posting this message. But at least we were insured so should have brand new computers, macs hopefully, very soon. On a lighter note I trust everyone enjoyed new years eves’ council funded entertainment at the edge of the flooded sports field. The traditional burning of Old Man Beckworth to say goodbye to the old year went off without too much drama, it took a lot of petrol to ignite, but no one ended up in A&E which is a relief. This years’ effigy was made from old cereal packets and egg boxes by local handyman Duncan Bannatyne and is said to be based on a cross-dresser he met in a jungle!!! His close friend Tony Hadley made a very realistic Lego Baby Beckworth effigy that was paraded through the streets in the early hours to welcome in 2016. So thanks to both of them. My personal highlight was tucking into a kebab as the New Year fireworks went off whilst the local Scout’s brass-band covered the hits of The Arctic Monkeys and Status Quo. All the best for a healthy and prosperous 2016. Mayor G. Grimsby

Beckworth_Baby

(Above) The very realistic “Baby Beckworth” effigy made by the talented Tony Hadley

Dragons Den Loses Popular Duvet

Dear all, just thought i’d keep you up to date with the hottest breaking news in Television. I’m shocked to discover that ex-fork lift driver, and local celeb, Hilary Duvet left the popular reality TV series Dragon’s Den last year and no-one noticed. Mrs Duvet was a hugely popular old dragon, with her constant swearing, sarcastic wit and iconic hairstyles, yet she only lasted one series before allegedly running out money. The programme, set in a disused tree-house, follows the real-life comedy capers of five happless millionaires and their quest to find the next successful cooking sauce with a Jamaican music based flavour. During the filming of the programme’s 38th series an inconsolable fellow dragon, who prefered not to be named, was quoted as saying “I’m ******* gutted,” before adding through the tears “She still owes me a fiver for fags.” Thankfully Duncan Bannatyne cheered up when told that handsome dragon Peter Jones was owed £10. Hilary will be missed and we wish her every success in her TV and crane driving careers. Christine Batley. Chief TV Reporter. The Beckworth Guardian

Hilary Devey

(Above) “In happier times” Hilary Duvet during filming of Dragon’s Den