Local Shop Celebrates Anniversary With A Stock Clearance

Hello. I just thought i’d let you know the good news that local ladle superstore (in fact the county’s one and only ladle superstore) is one year old this week. And to celebrate Len’s Ladle Superstore is clearing the shelves of some unwanted ladles. Ladle store owner/manager Len Goodman and his assistant Bruno Tonioli say that many are badly bent and tarnished, so grab yourselves a large-spoon like bargain (whilst stocks last)… And as the broken neon sign above the shop door states “A house isn’t a home without a ladle. Or two.” Yours sincerely Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce.

STRICTLY COME DANCING

(Above) Shop staff model some of the ladles on sale in Len’s Ladle Superstore

New Shop Opens On Our Thriving High Street

Hello. I just thought i’d let you know the good news that a new shop is opening this Saturday on the high street, and bucking the nationwide trend it’s not a betting shop, charity emporium nor a payday loan shark outlet. Nestling between the builder’s merchants and the undertakers on the site of the condemned cinema, the new retailer will be the county’s first ladle superstore. Called Len’s Ladle Superstore the shop is local dance teacher, and kitchen utensil expert, Len Goodman‘s first foray into shopkeeping and we wish him well. Len has been quoted as saying “I saw a gap in the market when i tried to buy a set of ladles as a wedding present for a friend and found nowhere locally sold them… So my superstore will fill the void.” Cutting the ribbon at the opening will be Len’s best friend Bruno Tonioli himself a dab hand with cooking ephemera. I think Len’s “big spoon shop” will at last put Beckworth on the catering supplies map which is great news for the local economy. Yours sincerely Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce.

STRICTLY COME DANCING

(Above) A very excited Bruno Tonioli and Len Goodman model ladles from the soon to be available stock at Len’s Ladle Superstore

Strictly Star To Open Heel Bar

Hello. Exciting news just in for anyone who’s shoes need repairing. Strictly Come Dancing judge Len Goodman is set to open a heel bar and key cutters on the site of the old pet shop. Len told me over a skinny latte “that the exclusive shop will be called Strictly Heels And Keys and will cater to those who want a more upmarket service when getting their keys cut and shoes repaired” Before adding “I want my clients to leave Strictly Heels And Keys with a spring in their step and a jingle in their pockets.” Len’s shop will be in direct competition, and directly opposite, Dragon’s Den judge Peter Jones‘ Dragon’s Heels And Keys, which has been doing great business since opening in 2008. Mr Peter was unavailable for comment but is said to be unphased about Len’s shop. A friend of a friend of a friend of Peter’s was quoted as saying “Peter says bring it on. He’ll soon put Len out of business… and run him out of town.” So there you have it. Yours sincerely Valerie Saddleworth CBE. Chairlady. The Beckworth Guild of Trade & Commerce.

Beckworth_Len Goodman

(Above) Len Goodman proudly showing off his newly mended “Strictly” heels

International Twerking Finals

This is a message to remind you all that this friday night The Blind Badger will be hosting the 3rd Annual International Twerking Finals in our back room. Seventeen of the World’s finest twerkers will be descending on Beckworth in the hope of winning a trophy and £500 prize money. Last year’s winner Vera Cyrus-Jones (Mylie Cyrus‘s English cousin) will be head judge alongside Strictly Come Dancing’s “Mr Seven” Len Goodman and local celeb and handyman Les Dennis. A rivetting evening is assured and after the finals Gareth Gates’ Mobile Disco will be rocking the room. It’s only a tenner on the door and this week’s featured ale at the pub is Liquid Night-Rogen. Warning: If you don’t like people wearing flesh-coloured bikinis, showing off their bottoms or grabbing their genitals, then please stay at home! Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

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(Above) The International Twerking Trophy, won last year by Mylie Cyrus’s Cousin Vera