If anyone finds a pair of men’s “much loved” mustard coloured Y-fronts and matching vest please let me know. I think I mislaid them on the weekend and have only just realised… Or perhaps it was a week ago. I do have a vague recollection of taking them off whilst queueing at a safe two metre distance in the Sainsco carpark whilst i searched for my shopping list (which I thankfully found, otherwise I would have had an empty drinks cupboard and a completely wasted trip). I may have left them in a shopping trolley along with a one pound coin… Whilst on that subject, why does it cost so much to unchain ruddy trolleys? In my day we just had small wire baskets and were happy to have those, though it made carrying large volumes of whisky, rum, gin, vodka and peanuts quite tiresome. Anyway, I believe i may have lost them on the way home due to having recently finished a non-stop 24 hour drinks & video call with my good friends Clare Balding and Jeremy Clarkson and was feeling rather blootered. This lockdown has a lot to answer for. Not least the pubs and off-licence being shut. Anyway if you find my beloved undergarments and the trolley please return them and the £1 coin asap. I feel lost without them as they are my smartest outfit and we mustn’t let standards slip even if we can’t go out. Even to place a bet. Come to think of it they are my only outfit.

Any help would be appreciated. Colonel T. Ludlow (Ret’d)

By the way, I may have also mislaid my catalogue bride, answers to the name Marie, not seen her or the plumber in recent weeks…