My goodness, since my first message on this site yesterday my life has become just like an episode of News At Ten!!! You may remember I asked everyone to keep a look out for 3 lama’s that had escaped from local celeb Fern Britton‘s lama farm. Well, I have so far been inundated with eleven or so sightings of “The Jackson Three” (The lamas are named Michael, Janet and Jermaine). So far the cunning lamas have evaded capture and have been spotted all over the town, from Bingo at the Macadamia Hall to The Spa at Beckworth Hall, with a stop-off at the drive-through McDonalds and a toilet break outside the Two Fat Ducks restaurant in between. They were even spotted in the tinned veg aisle at Tesburys Supermarket by local celeb, and latenight TV Gold travel presenter, Judith Chalmers.

Judith, a self-professed camel rider, says she was tempted to try and tackle them but thankfully had seen my website warning yesterday, and also thought that to deny the lamas their “escape to victory” would bring her bad kharma at a time when she is hoping to get back on to television and needs all the help she can get. To reiterate for those who missed my first message, Mrs Britton warned that under no circumstances should the lamas be approached as they do pose a seroius threat to the public, and other animals. If you do continue to spot the three runaways please let me know or contact Fern’s in-house lama-trainer Doris Palmer who will come and round them up (with a lasoo I presume?). Thanks for your time and have fun lama spotting, Christine Batley. Chief Crime Reporter at The Beckworth Guardian and neighbourhood watch coordinator