Funky Prince Announces One Off Gig

Hello all, i’ve been bursting to tell you all but sworn to secrecy until today because the diminutive Prince has chosen The Blind Badger to play a one off gig to launch his CD and try out his backing band. Yes, funky Royalty will be playing in our back room this Friday from 8.30. He will be playing tracks from his album “Purple Reign” which includes songs by Chas & Dave, the Beatles and Coldplay. The Prince, who likes to go incognito using the English sounding name Eddie Windsor, told me over the phone “My favourite song on the album is a cover of my namesake Prince’s Raspberry Beret. It was seeing him on YouTube that gave me the idea of launching a singing career. I’d been looking for a goal in life for sometime and singing and dancing fitted the bill. Mama says I was born to perform and I haven’t found a macho role like the one’s my brothers have created for themselves… Andrew likes to fly helicoptors, Charles talks to trees and Anne is very close to his horses” So come and give your support to Prince Eddie as he tread the boards for the first time this Friday. Tickets are a steal at £12 and as an added incentive out-of-date Twigletts are half price. Resident DJ Diddy David Dimbleby will be spinning the tunes at his late night disco, so see you there. Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

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(Above) Prince Edward “rock’s out” during rehearsals in a pretend forest earlier today

Baby King To Be Named The Boy George

Hello all. I’m pumped up with excitment (just like a big helium balloon filled with joy) and all because I’m able to share with you the breaking news from yesterday that our new baby King is to be named George. As predicted he has been named after his parents favourite entertainer, though no one realised the esteemed “My Sweet Lord” guitarist was even in the running. A Royal sauce close to the young Royal couple was overheard on a bus saying “William and Kate have recently been playing a lot of Prince Philips old records and become big fans of The Rolling Stones and The Beatles” she went on to say “Up until the Queen arrived yesterday the name Mick was a firm favourite. But in a twist of fate HM Queen Elizabeth II was humming “Love Me Do” when she first met her new Great-Grandson and so The Beatles were chosen to be the namesakes.” So from now on the baby King of Kings will be named Prince George Paul John Ringo of Cambridge, though to save energy in public and to reflect his humble roots he will simply be referred to as the Boy George. I’m sure you will agree that the Royals have chosen beautiful names for their son and I’m predicting that Sir Paul McCartney and Sir Ringo Starr will be Godfathers though, I hear David Walliams is also in the “frame.” The Royal couple are now taking a well-earned break with the baby Prince at Kate’s parent’s holiday “villa” at a caravan park in Bangor. Anyway, I will let you know more about the baby as it comes. Christine Batley. Chief Royal Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

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(Above) The Beatles in their heyday when they were alive