Royal Baby On It’s Way

Hello all. It is with a joyous heart that I can report that this morning, at 5.45 local time, the Duke and Duchess of Wales booked into Beckworth General Hospital as Mrs Wales has gone into labour. A hospital source said Kate Middleton was fully dilated and looked radient as her husband Prince William got porters to transport them both in wheelchairs to the newly painted maternity wing. All morning the Royal family and members of court and parliament have arrived in hired minibuses to attend the birth. According to tradition all will be present at the birth of the future monarch and to accommadte them specially rented portacabins have been installed in the hospital car park. Kate and Williams favourite entertainers Michael Mcintyre and Lenny Henry will keep her distracted during the birth, as court jesters have done for centuries, and of course Sue Perkins and David Mitchell will be there to give the occassion extra gravitas and ensure blanket media coverage. Friend of the Royal couple Steven Fry has been installed at the foot of the bed and will keep the world posted on twitter, contraction by contraction. And for those of you who prefer your graphic details in more than 140 characters I will keep you informed about the birth utilising the many “spies” I have at Mrs Wales bedside in the hospital. Christine Batley. Chief Royal Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

Minibus

(Above) The Queen and members of the Royal household arriving at Beckworth hospital