Tag Archives: Sue Perkins

Cockney Tribute Act Performing Tonight

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Great news for all the fans of jellied-eels, cockney music and out of tune pianos, as the UK’s eighth best Chas & Dave tribute act will be performing in Beckworth tonight. The act, aptly named Ches & David, will be performing the real duo’s two hits but promise to liven things up with a few surprises including some mime, juggling and lots of anecdotes about appearing on Masterchef and being extremely famous. In an email David Mitchell, the act’s “joanna player” (pianist), told me that he and his East End singing partner Ches (Chesney Hawkes) have been rehearsing for a couple of hours and are very excited to be performing, especially as the pub is paying them in crisps and lemonade. It’s only £9.50 on the door and this weekend’s featured ale at the pub is Where Is Sue Perkins When You Need Her. Warning: If you don’t like D-List celebrities singing in poorly “put-on” East London accents and going all “Mary Poppins” then please stay at home! Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

Beckworth_Ches & Dave

(Above) Musical mockneys Chesney & David rehearsing their moves earlier today

Heston Blumenthal, & His Dad, Want Your Fudge

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Dear all. I’m very excited to be able to tell you that at long last we have got planning permission to build “Fudgeworth” in the grounds of The Hill View Hotel. Fudgeworth, a model village of Beckworth made entirely of fudge, is the brain child of local father and son chefs Anthony “Tony” Worrall-Thompson and Heston Blumenthal, and is bound to become a big tourist attraction. But it’s a big building project and we need your help. Could you make fudge bricks, windows, doors etc? Maybe you’re a dab hand at making confectionery models of buses and trains. Or bridges? Or trees and hedges? If so, we need you to get baking (or however it is you make fudge. I wouldn’t know as it brings me out in a rash). For the next two weeks the chef duo will be building Fudgeworth, so please drop off your contributions at the hotel reception and Heston and Tony can get on with the hard graft of making the miniature village. There will be a grand opening when it’s finished, so watch this space, and we’re hoping to get Sue Perkins to do the honours (as she’s rumoured to have a sweet tooth and isn’t exactly publicity shy!). We are an equal opportunities hotel with wheelchair access so literally anyone with fudge making skills can drop off their handy work. Thanks, Sandy Luton, General Manager, Hill View Hotel

Heston PLUS

(Above) Father and son chefs, Tony and Heston, raring to get stuck into building a miniature Beckworth in fudge

Royal Baby On It’s Way

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Hello all. It is with a joyous heart that I can report that this morning, at 5.45 local time, the Duke and Duchess of Wales booked into Beckworth General Hospital as Mrs Wales has gone into labour. A hospital source said Kate Middleton was fully dilated and looked radient as her husband Prince William got porters to transport them both in wheelchairs to the newly painted maternity wing. All morning the Royal family and members of court and parliament have arrived in hired minibuses to attend the birth. According to tradition all will be present at the birth of the future monarch and to accommadte them specially rented portacabins have been installed in the hospital car park. Kate and Williams favourite entertainers Michael Mcintyre and Lenny Henry will keep her distracted during the birth, as court jesters have done for centuries, and of course Sue Perkins and David Mitchell will be there to give the occassion extra gravitas and ensure blanket media coverage. Friend of the Royal couple Steven Fry has been installed at the foot of the bed and will keep the world posted on twitter, contraction by contraction. And for those of you who prefer your graphic details in more than 140 characters I will keep you informed about the birth utilising the many “spies” I have at Mrs Wales bedside in the hospital. Christine Batley. Chief Royal Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

Minibus

(Above) The Queen and members of the Royal household arriving at Beckworth hospital