Dawn French In Three-Sided Slip Up

More exclusive triangle news just in. This morning, at the last day of the Triangle Show in Beckworth, owner and inventor at Dairylea Ms Dawn French accidentally let slip that at next year’s show she hopes to unveil a snack world first. A slide popped up during her talk about three-sided edibles showing that she is working with Swiss chocolatiers on a new cheese flavour Toblerone. She decined to comment further but i’m sure the world will be delighted to have Dairylea cheese in a bar. Christine Batley. Chief Cheese Based Confectionary Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

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(Above) A bad artist’s impression of next year’s Dairylee Toblerone

World First At Triangle Show

News exclusive just in. Today saw record crowds as dozens of enthusiasts attended the opening of Triangle Show in Beckworth and as promised Dawn French unveiled a world first. Local scientist and 1970s pop sensation Prof Brian Cox has discovered the universe’s first four sided triangle. Yes, you heard it here first, Mr Cox has found a microscopic three-sided structure from outer space, which has an additional fourth side. Brian told me over a Dairylea sandwich that “I only unearthed it due to a bet with Top Gear‘s Richard Hamster Hammond that triangles could have more than 3 sides… and so in between appearing on TV and playing with my band Ultavox I looked for an example everywhere.” Then he added “After 6 weeks of looking I found the four sided triangular atom in some space dust i’d got lying about.” He excitedly shook me by the shoulders and said “The discovery leads me to think that this unique atom may been the root of the big bang, or why dinosaurs disappeared. Our world can probably only handle three sides in a triangular structure and in our planet’s ancient past this fourth dimension has caused chaos and destruction, just like in Dr Who… So we’ll have to be very careful with this atom and keep it in a safe, or a shoe box… More sarnies?” So there you have it, a world first in Beckworth all thanks to a gambling Brian Cox. Enjoy the weekend, Christine Batley. Chief New Triangle Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

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(Above) The 4-sided trangular atom recently discovered by Brian Cox in some dust

Three Day Triangle Festival Opens Tomorrow

Hi, just a reminder that tomorrow, for three days only, Beckworth will be holding the World famous International Festival of Triangles and Triangulation. Conveniently sited on the triangular traffic island outside the nuclear power station, this is the first year our town has hosted the celebration of all things three-sided, now in it’s 73rd year. For 2014 sponsorship will be courtesy of the quality cheese-maker Dairylea who will also be providing most of the exhibits and entertainment and the whole experience will take place within an inflatable pyramid, so smoking will be banned. Throughout the event music will be provided by the rock band Isosceles and the lesbian folk duo Equilateral (local band Pythagorus Theorum having pulled out due to musical differences). Noel Edmunds promises to thrill the crowds with an indoors kite display using specially built three sided kites. The festival was meant to take place over the bank holiday weekend but a mix up over dates means it is happening this week instead. The exciting “trapezoid” event will be opened at 10.30am by the inventor of the Dairylee Triangle Miss Dawn French and will see the unveiling of a geometrical World first… I’m not sure what that will be so watch this space! Thanks Natalie Clifton. Tourist Information.

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(Above) The International Festival of Triangles and Triangulation Marquee