Tag Archives: Richard Hammond

Do You Know A Good Hangover Cure Brian Cox?

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Hello to all my devoted followers and my beloved hairdresser. Beautiful Professor Brian here to answer your New Year’s question “Is There A Cure For A Hangover?” I’ll keep this brief as for some unknown reason i’ve got a really bad headache and a bout of nausea… When our prehistoric ancestors invented alcohol as a way of forgetting their woes (noisy dinosaurs flattening their mud huts, mammoths eating the family etc) they accidentally gave the world the hangover. For millennia cultures have searched for an elusive remedy… But after 3 or 4 weeks of non-stop hands-on research on behalf of all humankind I’ve discovered that the best cure for a hangover is (drum roll please while i flick my luscious fringe)… to just carry on drinking through the next day… and the next.

So, in the spirit of scientific discovery I’m rushing off to meet my close friends from Top Gear in the wine bar for a shandy or three. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.

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(Above) Professor Cox’s drinking buddy Clarky Clarkson gets the first round in earlier today, who alongside Andy Hamster and Jimmy May are researching hangovers

World First At Triangle Show

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News exclusive just in. Today saw record crowds as dozens of enthusiasts attended the opening of Triangle Show in Beckworth and as promised Dawn French unveiled a world first. Local scientist and 1970s pop sensation Prof Brian Cox has discovered the universe’s first four sided triangle. Yes, you heard it here first, Mr Cox has found a microscopic three-sided structure from outer space, which has an additional fourth side. Brian told me over a Dairylea sandwich that “I only unearthed it due to a bet with Top Gear‘s Richard Hamster Hammond that triangles could have more than 3 sides… and so in between appearing on TV and playing with my band Ultavox I looked for an example everywhere.” Then he added “After 6 weeks of looking I found the four sided triangular atom in some space dust i’d got lying about.” He excitedly shook me by the shoulders and said “The discovery leads me to think that this unique atom may been the root of the big bang, or why dinosaurs disappeared. Our world can probably only handle three sides in a triangular structure and in our planet’s ancient past this fourth dimension has caused chaos and destruction, just like in Dr Who… So we’ll have to be very careful with this atom and keep it in a safe, or a shoe box… More sarnies?” So there you have it, a world first in Beckworth all thanks to a gambling Brian Cox. Enjoy the weekend, Christine Batley. Chief New Triangle Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

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(Above) The 4-sided trangular atom recently discovered by Brian Cox in some dust