Dear all. I’m sure you are all as outraged as me that my cousin Jack-A-GooGoo will not be appearing on the new TV series of I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Producers have said that Jack is not a celebrity! I disagree as he’s better known than Lady Colin Campbell who’s going to be on. No one’s ever heard of him… And I’d like to see this Colin eat kangeroo b******s and scorpion’s willies in the bush tucker trial. Jack would scoff them as he’d be too p****d to notice. Rumour has it that Jack’s good friends Lord Sugar, Mary Berry and her son Paul Hollywood will be in the new series, and they’d love Jack to be with them. He’s such good fun when he’s drunk. Which he always is. But not to be outdone by smart-arse TV people i’m going to start fundraising to get him flown out to Australia so he can sneak into the jungle unannounced. That will give those dwarves Ant and Dec a shock! So please help me with the fundraising and let’s get Jack back on TV. And of course whilst Jack is still in this country he is available to sing at weddings, births, divorces, etc. so give me a ring to book him.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, survival trainer and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

(Above) Jack managed to get on set with Ant and Dec in the UK recently, which as can be seen made them very happy