Tag Archives: jamie oliver

Panto Postponed Until Next Week

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Many apologies but this weekend’s performances of our pantomime Jamie Oliver In Fairy Liquid Land are being postponed due to the main female character (Baron Wurst) being taken poorly just hours after last night’s show. Leading (wo)man Benjamin Cumberland (star of Dr Who and famed sausage heir) was struck down in the green room with a case of the sniffles and has taken to her/his bed. Unfortunately his/her understudy, Vanessa Feltz is away on holiday so is unable to step into the breach until Monday at the soonest. Sorry for any inconvenience. Tickets for the cancelled performances will probably be valid for future shows. If not tickets are available on the door for this sold out show. Thanks Chico (producer)

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(Above) Ben Cumberland dressed as Baron Wurst early yesterday

 

Pantomime Auditions This Week

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Pantomime season is just around the corner and in the spirit of Christmas The Beckworth Players will be holding open auditions for some very minor parts in this year’s theatrical extravaganza. This Thursday we will start looking for fresh talent for our much anticipated 2014 panto. Is this you? For five nights around Christmas we will be putting on an original festive performance very loosely based on the Charles Dicken’s film Oliver and the life and recipes of the nations favourite TV chef, Jamie Oliver OBE. The panto, titled Jamie Oliver In Fairy Liquid Land, was written by Jamie himself (with help from his close friend Gordon Ramsay) and Mr Oliver will direct and produce the performance. Sponsored by Fairy Liquid (a chef’s best friend) the script promises, in Jamie’s words, to be Pucker! And who are we to doubt him? All the good parts have already been taken by key members of The Beckworth Players, with local busking singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran set to play Jamie and Eastenders‘ Dot Cotton (aka June Brown) playing his long suffering, ever pregnant wife, Jools. But we will still need new talent members for the boring non-speaking parts, the odd dance and cooking routine and to sell Jamie’s food in the interval. As usual auditions will be held in our rehearsal space above Chiswicks The Fishmongers and are open to almost anyone. But let’s face it we’re really looking for gorgeous, slim, young people, so if you’re past your sell by date or need a fork-lift to use the loo don’t waste our time. Jamie says he wants to find the next Olly Murs and Cheryl Cole (or whatever she’s called these days) preferably with catering skills. So please come along and show us your talent. You must be 18 or over and have your own chef’s knives.

See you Thursday, Chico (producer)

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(Above) Local busker Ed Sheeran hears he is to play Jamie Oliver this Christmas

Why Is Boxing Day Called Boxing Day Prof Cox?

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Hello all and happy Yuletide, Professor Brian here, and once again I’ve been asked to utilise my huge intelligence to improve the lives of humanity. Today, i’m answering a question I get asked every year around this time. It’s a conundrum of mind-blowing magnitude and perplexes both young and old… Why is Boxing Day so called?
Well, we have to go back to pre-television, pre-internet and pre-mobile phone days to a time when people lacked education, communicated by writing letters and made their own simple entertainment, often through the medium of mime. The 1950s…
In the many centuries before ’50s the 26th of December was just known as “The day after Christmas day,” it lacked purpose and due to boredom often ended up in a drunken fight. It was after witnessing one such domestic punch-up that well known professional fighter Cassius Clay (nee Mohammed Ali) decided that what the public needed were organised fights to vent their festive frustration and work off the turkey and mince pies.
Working alone he single-handed door-stepped then prime minister Margaret Thatcher (no stranger to a hypothetical fight herself) to get councils to set up town-centre boxing rings on the 26th and get all this pent up post-Christmas violence out into public spaces. There was a lot of opposition to his idea, mainly from the church who abhorred violence and claimed their Lord wouldn’t want organised punch-ups spoiling the day after his birthday. But luckily for Cassius and Ali, Mrs Margaret didn’t listen to doom-mongering Church leaders and being “her own man” stated how much she loved the idea. Although the Government refused the funding within months every city, town and village could boast a post-Christmas open-air boxing ring and by 1953 fights were so common place and no work got done that “the day after Christmas day” became a public holiday.
Now all it needed was a catchier name. So in 1956 suggested names were put to a public vote, with Boxing Day narrowly beating Fighting Day, You Lookin’ At My Bird Day and Black-Eye Day to become the day we know and love today.

So there you go, my Christmas’ Did You Know This fact complete. I’m rushing off now as i’m giving Heston Blumenthal a hand with some left-over goose. Thanks, Prof Brian Cox.

CLAY LISTON

(Above) Mr Ali delivers a knock-out blow to an opponent of his “Boxing Day” idea

Tempah Tantrum Over Blown Bulbs

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Hello all. Well, what a fantastic evening was had by all yesterday when local folk singer Tinie Tempah switched on Beckworth’s Christmas lights, probably the town’s best ever. And fortunately the ceremony was almost fault free and quite professional, we certainly didn’t want a repeat of last year when comedy duo Jedward were late arriving (their train was derailed by the wrong sort of leaves on the line), or the year before when Dame Judie Dench fell off the podium trying to press the faulty lights-on button. This year the only hiccup was a dozen bulbs blowing after the switch-on, leaving very small Mr Tampah inconsolable. But once placated with a mars bar and a Diet Fanta the little fella said the lights were “very pretty” or rap words to that effect. With the street lit-up it really does feel like Christmas is at last on it’s way… Also, a special mention to local lads made good, Jamie Oliver and his friend Gordon Ramsey, for their wonderful mulled wine and chilli infused mince pies, very yummy though not cheap at £15 a pop. Well done to Mssrs Oliver, Gordon and Mr Tiny. Christine Batley. Chief Christmas Lights Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

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(Above) Tiny Mr Tempah is carried by his minder to switch on the Christmas lights

You Win Some, You Lose Some

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Hello. Just to let you know what a success Friday’s open day at HMP Septonville was. Our local maximum-security prison certainly know how to make visitors welcome especially us women-folk! Just to say I wasn’t the only one to find romance on the day, the place is chock-full of potential soul mates (there are so many wrongly-convicted young men locked up in there!) Anyway, a couple of people signed up for work-experience under the Government’s Hey Scrounger, Get A Job programme, which is great, and we all made lot’s of new friends. On the downside, if you can call it that, a few inmates did manage to escape on the day by mingling with us happy visitors. As they say, you can’t make an omelette without buying eggs. I found eight men squeezed into my mini when I got home, and after a lovely weekend enjoying the sunny weather and having a trip to the seaside some have now sadly returned to the prison with an unneccessary Police escort. Reg “The Slocombe Strangler” Bosworth is still at large after baking me a lovely Jamie Oliver souffle as a gift, and the loveable big softy is welcome at my home any time.

Given the success of the event more local employers are promising open days so keep watching this space. Ruth Freshford. Manager. JobCentrePlus

Souffle

(Above) The Slocombe Strangler’s souffle