Double Johnny Tribute Action

Great news for all of you fans of numbers, algebra and easy listening music as Johnny Maths, the country’s number one Johnny Ball and Johnny Mathis tribute act will be performing his show at Beckworth’s number one real ale venue. Yes, this Friday night Mr “Double” Johnny will be on stage performing difficult equations whilst singing the hits of Mr Mathis. One time X-Factor reject Mr Maths will also be signing copies of his debut homemade DVD Maths and Mathis Made Easy, which isn’t available in any shops or on Amazon. Entry, and exit, to the riveting show is only a £9.50 on the door and this weekend’s featured ale at the pub is a specially themed “boffin’s” brew Calculus’s Conundrum. Warning: If you don’t like people singing and don’t like sums, then please stay at home! Cindy Carmarthen, Bar Manager, The Blind Badger Pub & Venue

Beckworth-Johnny Ball Beckworth-Johnny Mathis

(Above Left) Johnny Ball and (Above Right) Johnny Mathis, neither of whom is expected to be at the Blind Badger pub on Friday night

Diorama To Be Used In Lama Drama

Hello. Just to let you know that we’ve still not seen anything of Fern Britton‘s fleeing lamas, but as they say no news is good news (unless like me you work for a newspaper). Anyway, talking of good news, Doris Palmer (Fern Britton‘s in-house lama tracker) has commissioned model-maker, mathematician and local celeb, Johnny Ball to make a diorama of Beckworth, from matchsticks, to try and work out where the lamas could be hiding. With this in mind, Mr Ball has asked me to ask all Beckworth’s smokers to give him their discarded matches so he can complete the 1/12th scale model of the town and surroundings in double-quick time. His last model, of the Queen Mother (see below) took over 3 years and 220,000 matches to complete and is now on diplay in the vet’s surgery.

Queen MUm Matches

If you have spent matches please drop them at Johnny’s house or pass them onto me if he’s busy doing sums in his study. Also, please don’t concern Mrs Britton with matches as she’s hosting an Alcohol Awareness meeting this afternoon. Anyway, i’ll continue to keep you posted on lama news, whether we have any or not. Christine. Chief Crime Reporter at The Beckworth Guardian and neighbourhood watch coordinator