Tag Archives: Fiona Bruce

New Sculpture Unveiled

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Hello all. What a momentous morning Beckworth has had today, with the unveiling of the town’s latest piece of public art. Due to heightened security (thanks to unfortunate death-threats from riled local council-tax payers) it was a very low key event hence the publicity blackout. The 14′ high piece “A Beautiful World Basks In It’s Own Refection” was commissioned by myself to celebrate my 5 years as mayor and was sculpted in concrete by famed artist, and antique news reader, Fiona Bruce. We were very fortunate to have Bruce herself unveil it and she told the assembled crowd of three that the sculture took her almost 18 months to make. I’m sure you’ll agree it was well worth the £5.3 million we payed for it and will be wonderful addition to Beckworth sited outside the council dump. Thanks. G. Grimsby. Mayor

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(Above) The scupture “A Beautiful World Basks In It’s Own Refection”

Annual Fan Convention This Weekend

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Dear all. A reminder for your diary; this weekend Beckworth is hosting the second annual News At Ten fan convention. The two-day event is once again being held in the scout hut and this year will be opened by ITV newsreader Julie Etchingham (I’ve no idea who she is but i’m told she is well know to some fans). Attractions at the event will be book signings and selfies with newsreaders of old, even Natasha Kaplinsky has promised to attend as her autobiography is selling poorly. There will also be a pop-up shop selling News At Ten DVDs, a cocktail bar and and the chance to win dinner at McDonalds with Fiona Bruce and Trevor McDonald. Sounds unmissable to anyone with a passing interest in the news. Yours Natalie Clifton, Tourist Information

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(Above) Mrs J. Etchingham clearly looks delighted at the thought of attending this weekends’ fan convention

Local Antique Lady’s Fish Win’s May Day Race

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Hello. I hope you all enjoyed today’s annual Beckworth MayDay Fish Race as much as I. Even having some Green Party pranksters throwing washing powder into the river (some sort of demonstration about water polution) hardly delayed the race. The protestors were caught by angered locals before they could do too much damage and there weren’t too many people taken to A&E. Congratulations to local lass, and antique TV presenter, Fiona Bruce whose pet sturgeon, Nicola, won the race in an almost record time. It was the first time Fiona and Nicola the Sturgeon had raced in the event, so well done. Fiona stated that a daily swim in the bath followed by a treat of a cup of hot chocolate had really paid off with Nicola. Well done to all. G.Grimsby. Mayor

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(Above) A clearly delighted Fiona Bruce with her race-winning pet sturgeon Nicola

BBC To Auction Off Lost Property

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Good afternoon. I am very pleased to announce that your local 346 year old auction house, Northerbys, has been instructed by the BBC to hold a sale of it’s “lost” property. The sale will be held on Tuesday 13th May from 10 am and we are pleasured to have guest auctioneer Fiona Bruce clutching the gavel. The “lost” property includes some rare antique items and original artworks “accidentally left behind” after filming popular BBC programmes such as The Antiques Road Show, Cash In The Attic, Homes Under The Hammer and Crime Watch. One picture, an original 17th century painting “Blokes In Boats” by Giovanni Cannelloni, is expected to fetch at least £500,000. All proceeds from the sale will go towards to the BBC Christmas Party fund. I hope to see you all on the 13th. Tim Wonnacott. Head Auctioneer. Northerbys Auction House

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 (Above) Fiona Bruce guards the painting ”Blokes In Boats” by Giovanni Cannelloni expected to boost party fund coffers by a cool £500,000

Little Terry Found. Again

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Hello. I am very pleased to announce that after much sterling detective work on my part the stolen miniature Terence Nutkin statue has been found alive and well just half a mile from the court room where it was stolen. After a tip off from the Antiques Roadshow’s Fiona Bruce the 12″ high sculpure was spotted for sale (at a reasonable £250) at a local “bootfair” and captured by myself with help from the riot squad. This is the second time Little Terry has been stolen and recovered, although this time the statue appears to have put on some weight and grown his hair during his ordeal, had his broken-off arm expertly reattached and had his little willy covered by a large leaf. The owner of the “boot” denies wrong-doing but has been arrested and bail denied due to the seriousness of this crime. Sculptor, and Nutkin’s creator, Chris Evans was very relieved at finding his “offspring” but said to me “Are you sure it’s the same ruddy statue?” I assured Chris by showing him the photographed evidence (below) and then closed the case, which means the trial of the first theft can now resume. PC R Cowgrove

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(Above Left) The Terence Nutkin statue before it’s recent theft and
looking relaxed (Above Right) after it’s recovery