Tag Archives: kajagoogoo

Watch The Voice This Weekend

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Dear all. I hope you’ll all be watching The Voice this Saturday as my cousin Jack a Googoo will be back on it. It’s his second attempt at winning the frankly appalling show and he stands a very good chance of winning now that Tom Jones isn’t on it (Tom was threatened by Jack’s singing ability. And by some photos Jack had). Jack tells me he’s hoping to get on Boy George‘s team this time (He’s got some “interesting” photos of him which got him back on the show), so he’s chosen to sing Calm The Chameleon. I think the show is filmed live from 7 so make sure you tune in and vote for him to win. Let’s get Jack back on TV so he can raise his celebrity profile. And whilst Jack is on the telly his bookings to sing Kajagoogoo songs at weddings, births, deaths, divorces, etc. will cost quite a bit more… But don’t worry, give me a ring to book him and i’ll do you a tidy deal.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, survival trainer and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

Boy George File Photos

(Above) Boy George pictured earlier today on his way to have his bikini-line waxed prior to The Voice rehearsals

Apprenticeship Goes Up In Smoke

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Dear all. Well, what a travesty of justice last night’s episode of The Apprentice was. I’m sure you’ll agree that Lord Sugar made a big mistake firing my cousin, the Kajagoogoo tribute act, Jack-A-GooGoo. Jack and Mr Sugar had been getting on famously until a few days ago and was believed to be a shoe-in as 2014 winner. But my cousin was appalled at this weeks’ task, having to make and sell poncey candles, and so borrowing Sugar’s credit card he buggered off to buy a pub in Bognor Regis. Jack only spent £250,000, which he quite rightly says was just an advance on his winnings, but Alan wasn’t happy (he doesn’t like Bognor) and so fired his top apprentice. What a silly bugger!! Still it’s not all bad as Jack is being allowed to keep the pub, which he and Nick Hewer hope to turn into a Kajagoogoo themed bar before Christmas.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, pub barmaid and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

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(Above) Jacks new family-friendly pub in Bognor Regis

Local Lad Bakes Good

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Dear all, just to say my cousin Jack will be on The Great British Bake Off next week, so please watch him as he’ll need your support. Jack missed the first two weeks of the competition as he had to finish community service first, but he’s bound to be a star of the show when he gets in that tent with Mrs Berry and her son Paul. He first learnt to bake at her Majesty’s pleasure and it’s almost kept him on the straight and narrow ever since. You may remember Jack not as a baker but as a local heat runner-up on Stars In Their Eyes seven years ago, when he performed solo as the famous 1980s rock group Kajagoogoo, but of course he’s now best known for almost winning The Voice last year. He still performs his popular tribute act Jack-Agoogoo and is available for bookings (though not on Tuesday mornings as he signs on then and not weekends cause that’s when they film Bake Off).

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack’s manager, baking inspiration and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

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(Above) Jack, second from left, joins the other 2014 Bake Off contestants in a tent

Top Choice On The Voice

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Dear all, I’d just like to say a huge thank you to all of you who voted my cousin Jack through to next week’s live final of The Voice. Your support makes all the hard work worthwhile, and don’t forget if you bring me your phone bill showing the Voice phone number on it at least 20 times, there’ll be £2 off your next bill at 99p Land (if I’m on the tills)! I also have to say a very huge thank you to my friends and family who manned the phones last night at the BBC and to my Uncle Bryan for counting up the final votes. Just to say, if last night had been the final, and not the semi’s, Jack would have romped home with over 80% of all the votes!!! Tom Jone’s is well chuffed with the results as he has a large bet on Jack winning that could pay off his mortgage and payday loan. Just a reminder that Jack is still available for bookings (of his popular Kajagoo tribute act Jack-Agoogoo), though once he wins The Voice this coming Saturday he will cost a lot more to book.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack-Agoogoo’s manager and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

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(Above) Jack-Agoogoo takes a fag break during rehearsals

Keep Watching The Voice

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Dear all, please please please keep watching The Voice as my cousin Jack needs your support more than ever. Those following the gripping programme will know that a quiet word in Tom Jone’s ear before the show got Jack through the knock-out round. When his was talent was pointed out to Tom there was no contest, and the reason he sounded off-key throughout was just a problem with the microphone. Rumours of a rift in the Tom camp are very wide of the mark, in fact Jack and Tom are getting on so well that Jack will be holidaying this summer at Tom’s villa in Ibiza. Before he jets off to the sun (after hopefully winning The Voice) Jack will still be available for bookings of his popular tribute act Jack-Agoogoo. Just tell me when and where and like a fairy-godfather i’ll do the rest.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack-Agoogoo’s manager and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

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(Above) Tom and Jack-Agoogoo relaxing during rehearsals

Watch The Voice Again

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Dear all, I’d just like to say a big showbiz thank you to all of you who have stopped me whilst i’ve been stacking shelves at 99p Land to congratulate me on my cousin Jack’s performance on The Voice. Your encouragement makes all the hard work worthwhile, but let’s not forget, he’s not won yet! For those of you know who don’t know, he has been chosen to be in Tom Jone’s team, which suits Jack very well as they are of similar age and build (Jack is hoping to cadge some clothes off Tom, and get some fake tan for me). On the days when he’s not staying with Tom, in a local Travelodge, Jack is still available for bookings of his popular (1980s rock group Kajagoo) tribute act Jack-Agoogoo. Just ask me about dates and cost and i’ll do the rest.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack-Agoogoo’s manager and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)

Watch The Voice

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Dear all, just to say my cousin Jack will be on The Voice this Saturday, so please watch and phone in your votes. You may remember he was local heat runner-up on Stars In Their Eyes six years ago, when he performed as famous 1980s pop-stars Kajagoogoo. He still performs his popular tribute act Jack-Agoogoo and is available for bookings (though not on Tuesday mornings as he signs on then), just ask me and i’ll do the rest.

Thanks Nelly Ryde (Jack-Agoogoo’s manager and shelf-stacker in 99p Land)