Category Archives: Chico S. Whitby

Parrots Of The Caribbean – Open Auditions

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Hello. We are starting auditions next week for our first dramatic performance of 2014 and are looking for new talent. This could be you! For five nights around Easter we will be putting on an original musical loosely based on the film Pirates Of The Caribbean. But in a twist of pure genius all the characters are birds of paradise not pirates, so it’s been imaginatively titled Parrots Of The Caribbean. Written down the pub by local girls made good Dame Maggie Smith and Sir Judie Dench, with a little help from Andrew Lloyd Webber‘s younger brother Neville, our performances will be a world first. I’ve seen the script in passing and given it’s novelty value it’s very likely to transfer to the West End or Broadway… or even Hollywood. So this could be your stab at stardom! First time director Gordon Brown will be auditioning hopefuls from 7pm daily but come early as auditions are bound to be very busy… And if you have your own feathered costume please wear it. The lead parts have already been taken by key members of The Beckworth Players, daytime TV heartthrob Philip Schofield will play Jack SparrowHawk, but we will still need cast members for inconsequential non-speaking parts, the odd dance routine and to sell ice-creams in the interval. Auditions will be held in our rehearsal space above Chiswicks The Fishmongers and are open to anyone. But to be honest we’re really looking for extremely beautiful people, so if you’re a bit of a minger don’t waste our time. Mr Gordon says he wants to find the next Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus or at least I think that’s what he said, but I was texting at the time. So please come along and show us your talent. You must be 18 or over and have your own tap shoes. See you Monday, Chico (producer)

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(Above) Philip “Pip” Schofield excitedly tries on his new costume for the first time today

Pantomime – Open Auditions

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Pantomime season is almost upon us and in the spirit of Christmas The Beckworth Players will be holding open auditions for some minor walk-on parts in this year’s theatrical extravaganza. We are extremely lucky to be putting on the first ever production of Cinderella and The Seven Beanstalks, written by Beckworth’s very own Mr Musical, Andrew Lloyd Webber (with a bit of help from his brother Sir Tim Rice). And a successful panto wouldn’t be a success if the lead parts weren’t taken by The Krankies (as the ugly giants), a member of Eastenders (Dot Cotton aka June Brown will be playing Cinderella) and a 1980s pop singer you may vaguely have heard of (Professional scouser Sonia will be playing one of our beanstalks). Other stars appearing will be Alan Titchmarsh as Zips (Button’s brother), Coldplay and Muse as the Seven Dwarfs and Jodie Marsh as Prince Charming . But we will still need cast members for inconsequential non-speaking parts. Auditions for these will be held this Thursday evening at 7.30 in our rehearsal space (above Chiswicks The Fishmongers) and are open to anyone who can sing and dance and are extremely good looking. Director (and local politician) Nick Clegg says he wants to find the next Su Bo and Gareth Gates, so please come along and show us your talent. You must be 18 or over and have your own tap shoes. Given the success of our last panto, Aladdin In The Hood, we expect to be a large turn-out, so arrive early. See you Thursday, Chico (producer)

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(Above) Eastender’s June Brown trying on her Cinderella costume earlier today

All-Star Family Fortunes’ First Night

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Just to say that The Beckworth Players new musical production, All-Star Family Fortunes – The Musical has its gala opening this Friday evening at 7.30. Written by local celeb and host of TV’s real-life All-Star Family Fortunes, Vernon Kay, the 4 hour play is a lighthearted look at celebrity and maringue addiction. It’s very funny and song heavy, with many original Vernon compositions. Many local celebrities are in the all-star All-Star Family Fortunes – The Musical cast including Graham Norton as Vernon Kay, Russell Brand as Ozzy Osborne (captain of the Osborne team), and Davina McCall as Pippa Middleton’s mother (captain of the Middleton team). The play is bound to be a roaring success as it has been directed by TV hardman Ross Kemp, who has brought all his SAS skills to the job. So see you Friday at The Slocombe Garden Centre Auditorium. Chico

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(Above) The nail-biting dress rehearsal of All-Star Family Fortunes – The Musical

Could You Be Pippa Middleton’s Mother?

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The Beckworth Players are looking for a lady (or man in drag) to play Pippa Middleton’s mother Vera, in their next musical production, All-Star Family Fortunes. The lady we had lined up for this starring role has unfortunately been detained at her majesties pleasure. So now the part is open to literally anyone (we’re desperate as rehearsals are well underway). Director, and local heartthrob, Ross Kemp says he is determined to find the perfect lady/man, “preferably someone hot, with nice shaved legs and a large bottom”. The musical, written by Vernon Kay himself, will be Mr Kemp’s first production so he’s praying it’s a winner and could transfer to the West End (of London, not Beckworth). Only people over 18 should apply and Ross will be personally auditioning all applicants in his flat after the pubs have shut. Good luck, Chico (producer)

Family-Fortunes Still Seeks A Star

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The Beckworth Players are still looking for a male lead, to play Vernon Kay, in their next musical production, All-Star Family Fortunes. So they will be holding another open audition, this coming Tuesday evening at 7.30. Location: The George & Ringo Room at the Town Hall, due to their rehearsal space being fumigated. It’s open to everyone who’s a male, and director (and local celeb) Ross Kemp says he is determined to find his perfect man, “someone with that special something and the ability to act, sing and dance in dangerous situations, just like me”. The musical has been written for us by local celeb, and husband of Ferne Cotton, Vernon Kay! So, to quote Mr Kemp, do you have balls of steel and a voice to melt ice-cream? If so please come along. Just to warn you, Ross wants a man for this role, so no ladies or women at this audition as he has filled all the female parts. All men must be 18 or over (or at least look it), be very muscular and have your own black tap shoes. Given the queues of would-be Dicks who wanted to star in our recent performances of Richard III, we expect to be literally overcome with testosterone, so arrive early. See you Tuesday boys, Chico (producer)

Open Auditions: Vernon Kay’s All Star Family Fortunes – The Musical

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The Beckworth Players will be holding open auditions for their next musical production, All-Star Family Fortunes, this Thursday evening at 7.30 in their rehearsal space (above Chiswicks The Fishmongers). Open to everyone, first-time director (and local celeb) Ross Kemp says he wants to find the next Will Young and Fern Cotton for this all singing, all dancing musical spectacular, which has been written for us by local celeb Vernon Kay! Are you a Will or Fern (you can actually have any name, he’s just giving them as an example of talented local people and could have easily asked for a local Justin Beiber and Lindsay Lohan). Please come along and show us what you’re made of. You must be 18 or over and have large lungs. Given the success of our last musical, Salvadore Dali, we expect to be swamped, so come early. See you Thursday, Chico (producer)