StereoKicks Switch On Christmas Lights For A Second Time

Posted on 12/12/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello all. Judging by all the emails, texts and letters of complaint i’ve received many of you have noticed that this week the high street has been plunged into darkness due to a power cut caused by the Christmas lights exploding. After many days of hard work, local electrician and ex-TV hostess, Dale Winton has repaired the chain of lights, which he found to have a blown fuse. As luck would have it our favourite ex-X-Factor hopefuls Stereokicks were passing by on there way to the job centre as the repair was finished and so switched on the lights for a second time whilst singing a couple of songs. Resourceful Mr Winton says he’ll be keeping some spare fuses in his pocket in case the lights blow again, and the numerous members of Stereokicks have promised to switch on the lights as often as needed, as they are a bit under-employed at the moment. What a kind offer. G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) The 22 members of Stereokicks happily line up to sign-on earlier today

Win Big & Join The Grittaratti

Posted on 06/12/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello. As a big Christmas treat for the residents of Beckworth, and in preparation of the expected winter snow and ice, your well respected and enterprising local council is offering bags of grit as the top prizes in it’s Yuletide raffle. Tickets only cost £1 each, minimum spend £5 per household, with all the money raised going towards getting the council offices redecorated and having the carpets cleaned. First place in the raffle is a big bag of grit, large enough to keep your prized driveway or pavement ice free for a day or two, three max). Second prize is a medium sized bag (enough to clear a short path for an afternoon) and third prize a little bag (enough to keep a bird bath ice free for a few hours). Last years’ grit winner Ricky Gervais was quoted at the time as saying “this is a life-changing win for me… No more slipping up and risking life and limb getting to and from my front door.” So get your skates on, buy some tickets and you too could having a life-enhancing gritty end to the year. Merry Christmas, G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) Enter the council raffle and this grit could be yours…

St Andrews Day Concert

Posted on 30/11/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Just a reminder that tonight Beckworth will be pushing the boat out in order to celebrate the birthday of St Andrew (The patron saint of Scotland, Greece, Russia and Golf) in some style. A committee of Scottish and Communist plate-throwing residents have clubbed together to hire the scout hut and got top Scottish father and son band The Proclaimers to perform. To save money the band are walking all the way to the gig (500 miles or so) from their “sunshine” retirement home in Leith near Glasgow, so if you can’t make the gig you may seem them on shanks pony coming to town. Tickets they are selling like hot haggis, i’m told the committee have even had letters from America requesting some. See you there, G. Grimsby. Mayor and big fan Scottish duos

(Above) The Proclaimers, formerly known as The Krankies, walking to Beckworth

Stereokicks To Switch On The Lights

Posted on 11/11/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello all. Just a reminder that tomorrow night local dance act, and Strictly Come Dancing hopefuls, Stereokicks will be switching on Beckworth’s Christmas lights. This year’s display I can safely say are probably the town’s best ever and stretch a hundred hundred yards or so along the high street from the crematorium to the office licence. With the street lit-up by energy saving light-bulbs in the shape of the stars of Emmerdale and Neighbours it will really feel like Christmas is on it’s way… G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) Local dancers Stereokicks forego doing their homework to switch on some lights

Trick Or Treating Banned This Halloween

Posted on 31/10/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello. It is with a heavy heart that I have to inform all residents that I have taken Police advice and have banned trick or treating from Beckworth this Halloween. This comes after year on year increases of muggings by under 10s on the town’s ageing population and a fear that the night has been highjacked by far-right yummy-mummys and by Satan worshipping youth clubs. I hope this won’t adversly effect your enjoyment of all-hallows eve. G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) A gang of young Satan worshippers intimidating a poor Beckworth resident on her doorstep last year

Chip Shop Failure

Posted on 11/09/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello. Just a quick message of condolence to the plucky losers of last night’s Chip Shop World Championships. Our local chippy Chip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah put up a brave fight during the competition but still managed to come last despite members of the opposing teams being carted off to A&E. Head chef Rick Stein‘s world first, a deep fried battered black forest gateaux, failed to impress the judges and marks were lost for using locally caught eel whilst claiming it was fresh Dover Sole. Better luck next time. G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) Brothers Al and Dom Horabin (of Chip Shape & Bristol Ration) who beat Rick Stein to become 2014 Chip Shop World Champions with their breathtaking haddock, chips & massala curry sauce

Chip Shop World Championships Tonight

Posted on 10/09/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello. Just a reminder that the final of 2014′s Chip Shop World Championships will be televised on the Playboy channel from 7.30 tonight. Good luck to our local chippy Chip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah who face fierce competition from last years’ Bristol based winners, Chip Shape & Bristol Ration, and from Saudi Arabia’s Chip-Chim-A-Knee. I’m sure it will be a nail biting final, but Chip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah head chef Rick Stein says he’s going to pull a world first out of the fryer to clinch the title. G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) Rick Stein’s daughter Frankie displays some of her Dad’s fine fare outside the family chippy Chip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah

Annual Strike Ends

Posted on 04/09/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello. Just to let you know that the annual strike by the council’s IT department has just ended. The strikers took a little longer than usual to return to work due to the wet weather ruining their time off. Sadly our hopes that our young town hall intern would be able to update the Beckworth blog were misplaced as it turned out the poor sod had no idea about computers and wants to join our parks department. G. Grimsby. Mayor

Two Minutes Silence

Posted on 04/08/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Today we hope the whole of Beckworth will join with us and observe a two minute silence at 11pm to honour the fallen of World War One. Thanks you. G. Grimsby, Mayor

Tour De France Slight Detour

Posted on 06/07/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello all. Just a quick update on today’s historic visit by the Tour Of France french cycling race. After many months of careful planning it was due to come through the very heart of our community. But due to unexpected subsidence and holes opening up, due to the fracking on the high street, the Tour will be hastily re-routed over Beck Hill, around the council estate and mosque, along by the extensive road works, through the refuse dump and children’s playground and finally past the nuclear power station. It won’t effect what is bound to be an exciting and once (maybe twice) in a lifetime day out for all the family. Thanks G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) The slight detour on the Beck Hill stage of the Tour De France

Life in Beckworth

Bringing you the (almost) everyday comings and goings of the residents of Beckworth, a typical English market town. Informing you about their lives through the mediums of words, images, an interactive map and stereophonic sound recordings

Category Archives: Town Council