Hello all, more shocking news just in i’m afraid to say. Following the theft last week of OAP Mr Reginald Owen from the Dick Van Dyke nursing home I have the misfortune to announce that a second pensioner has apparently been stolen. Mrs Gladys York was last seen waving to passers-by from her caravan sited on the flooded driveway of her son’s house about 9 or 10 days ago. Her family is currently holidaying in Barbados to avoid the winter storms and her disappearance was only noticed today when a concerned neighbour saw the caravan floating off down the river engulfed street. Local lifeboat crews managed to stop the “dwelling” floating out to sea and once returned to it’s original “moorings” it was found to be missing Mrs York from inside. A part-time spokesperson for the RNLI, Shane “Alfie Moon” Ritchie, said “we can only conclude that she was missing from the caravan before it floated off…” before adding “Mrs Gladys has probably been nicked by gypsies, I hear there’s a lot of it about… Thefts have got out of hand round here since the New Year. It’s ’cause we’ve allowed the Romanians to come here and work.” Police are underplaying this latest theft saying “she probably just popped to the shops last week and got lost. There’s not a lot we can do really… Unless of course, her family offers a cash reward for her safe return” So if you see an old lady called Gladys looking lost call Crimestoppers or hand her in at the nearest charity shop. I’ll let you know when i have more news on this… Christine Batley. Chief Floating Caravan and Missing Pensioner Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(above) An “atmospheric” black and white photograph of Mrs York’s caravan taken earlier today by her neighbour David Bailey