Local Lads and Lass Win Big At Marathon & Masterchef

Posted on 26/04/2015 by a resident of Beckworth

It was a win, win, win situation for Beckworth residents today when local lads came first and second in the pro men’s race at the 2015 London Marathon and a local lass won the pro women’s wheelchair race. Eliud Kipchoge, Wilson Kipsang and Tatyana Mcfadden did the town proud and were all trained by local man and Olympic athlete Daley Thompson. The wins come hot on the heals of local lad Simon Wood winning Masterchef earlier this week. Congratulations to all, and in their honour we hope to have a combined Marathon & Masterchef parade next year (if we get the planning permission). G.Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) Local Masterchef winner Simon “Woody” Wood with his plastic trophy thing

French Market This Sunday

Posted on 09/04/2015 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello all. Don’t forget this Sunday, 12th April, the annual french Le Marche De Fromage Et Onion (Cheese And Onion Market) will be in town. It’s your once in a year opportunity to buy expensive french cheeses, breads, veg and onions directly from people who drive on the wrong side of the road, don’t wash and refuse to speak the English language.

Once again wine won’t be offered after the many drunken altercations in recent years. Nor will we tolerate urinating in the street, not even down opened-manhole covers.

As is tradition the march of the Emmental Fromagiers will set off from from Town Hall steps at 10am, parade along Floyd Street into the Square to declare the market open.

Weather permitting there will be events all day for the whole family, including morris dancing by The Beckworth Bothamers, a kite display by local celebrity Noel Edmunds and of course in the afternoon the crowning of Beckworth’s Miss Garlic 2015.

Not to be missed this year will be the life-size inflatable Eiffel Tower that will be set up near the scout hut, and a must see will be the Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors staging a reburial of King Richard III beneath the MacDonalds car park.

So Bonjour to one and all, Mayor Gary Grimsby

(Above) The french market featuring a life-size inflatable Eiffel Tower

St Patricks Day Parade Postponed

Posted on 17/03/2015 by a resident of Beckworth

Sorry but due to the floats being double booked and the Irish girl pipers all having flu today’s St Patrick’s Day Parade is being postponed until next Tuesday. Or if the girls are still unwell Wednesday. Apologies for any inconvenience caused. G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) An artist’s impression of tomorrow’s postponed St Patrick’s Day Parade

Local Tradition Under Judicial Review

Posted on 05/03/2015 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello all. Just to let you know that due to an ongoing judicial review Beckworth’s Springtime tradition of Goat Rolling has been cancelled this year. Due to take place on Fool’s Hill on the third Saturday in March this will be the first time in 563 years that the event hasn’t taken place. Even practicing has been temporarily outlawed, with local police issuing a warning that anyone found in possession of a goat during March will be arrested and have their four-legged friend put down. Apologies for any inconvenience caused. Mayor Gary Grimsby

Warning: Don’t roll your goat this month!

Stereokicks To Switch On The Lights

Posted on 11/11/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello all. Just a reminder that tomorrow night local dance act, and Strictly Come Dancing hopefuls, Stereokicks will be switching on Beckworth’s Christmas lights. This year’s display I can safely say are probably the town’s best ever and stretch a hundred hundred yards or so along the high street from the crematorium to the office licence. With the street lit-up by energy saving light-bulbs in the shape of the stars of Emmerdale and Neighbours it will really feel like Christmas is on it’s way… G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) Local dancers Stereokicks forego doing their homework to switch on some lights

Remember Remember The 5th Of November Is Actually Happening On The 8th

Posted on 04/11/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello all. Just a reminder that Beckworth’s bonfire celebrations will be happening on Saturday 8th not tomorrow night. Attractions will include an unlit bonfire (due to health and safety concerns), a candle-lit choir, vegetarian hot-dog stand and an effigy of Guy Fawkes lovingly made from bottle tops by the local branch of Alcoholics Anonymous. At 6.45 there will be a talk on the history of fireworks and stuff by Brian Cox (weather permitting) and for the under-5s the Peppa Pig band will be hosting an open-air festival. The main event will of course be local celeb Nick Clegg setting off over a dozen large “pet friendly” silent fireworks (due to health and safety concerns raised by the RSPCA). Also, not to be missed at 7.30 the Beckworth & Crewbury Historical Re-enactors will be staging the gun powder plot again this year (complete with horses, false-beards and real gun powder) in the scout hut, hopefully without the fire damage incurred last year. So see you there! G. Grimsby. Mayor

Trick Or Treating Banned This Halloween

Posted on 31/10/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello. It is with a heavy heart that I have to inform all residents that I have taken Police advice and have banned trick or treating from Beckworth this Halloween. This comes after year on year increases of muggings by under 10s on the town’s ageing population and a fear that the night has been highjacked by far-right yummy-mummys and by Satan worshipping youth clubs. I hope this won’t adversly effect your enjoyment of all-hallows eve. G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) A gang of young Satan worshippers intimidating a poor Beckworth resident on her doorstep last year

Chip Shop Failure

Posted on 11/09/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello. Just a quick message of condolence to the plucky losers of last night’s Chip Shop World Championships. Our local chippy Chip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah put up a brave fight during the competition but still managed to come last despite members of the opposing teams being carted off to A&E. Head chef Rick Stein‘s world first, a deep fried battered black forest gateaux, failed to impress the judges and marks were lost for using locally caught eel whilst claiming it was fresh Dover Sole. Better luck next time. G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) Brothers Al and Dom Horabin (of Chip Shape & Bristol Ration) who beat Rick Stein to become 2014 Chip Shop World Champions with their breathtaking haddock, chips & massala curry sauce

Chip Shop World Championships Tonight

Posted on 10/09/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello. Just a reminder that the final of 2014′s Chip Shop World Championships will be televised on the Playboy channel from 7.30 tonight. Good luck to our local chippy Chip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah who face fierce competition from last years’ Bristol based winners, Chip Shape & Bristol Ration, and from Saudi Arabia’s Chip-Chim-A-Knee. I’m sure it will be a nail biting final, but Chip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah head chef Rick Stein says he’s going to pull a world first out of the fryer to clinch the title. G. Grimsby. Mayor

(Above) Rick Stein’s daughter Frankie displays some of her Dad’s fine fare outside the family chippy Chip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah

Annual Strike Starts Tomorrow

Posted on 21/08/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hello. Just a reminder that the annual strike by the council’s IT department starts tomorow and is likely to last a week or so. The strikers are currently thinking of a reason to strike but have said they won’t work on the website until early September. We are hoping that our young town hall intern will cross the picket-line so we can still update the Beckworth blog. Sorry for any inconvenience, G. Grimsby. Mayor

Life in Beckworth

Bringing you the (almost) everyday comings and goings of the residents of Beckworth, a typical English market town. Informing you about their lives through the mediums of words, images, an interactive map and stereophonic sound recordings

Category Archives: Mayor Gary Grimsby