It’s Natural Disaster Day

Posted on 13/10/2015 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. Just a reminder that today is International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction and the town’s beloved nuclear power plant is throwing open it’s doors to visitors. The aim is to show how poorly prepared it is for any likely disasters. And leaks. There will be demonstrations on how quickly they can abandon the plant if it’s bombed by terrorists or if a runaway truck drives into it. You can dress in nuclear overalls (and wear a nuclear helmet) like a real nuclear worker and even eat nuclear food in the nuclear canteen. For one day only nowhere is off limits! There will be guided tours around the reactor, you’ll be shown nuclear fission (I’ve no idea what that is but it sounds like great fun) and selected lucky people will be able to ride on lorries to see how “spent fuel rods” are disposed off at the local recycling centre. Yours Natalie Clifton, Tourist Information

(Above) Today a lucky few will get to see nuclear fission inside our local reactor

Local Tourist Attraction Re-Opens

Posted on 11/06/2015 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. Just a reminder that the town is expecting an influx of tourists next week when Beckworth’s premier attraction Derek Peculiar’s House Of Peculiarities reopens after a five-year £155 refurb. Mr Derek’s nephew, Hugh Grant, will reopen his dead Uncle’s life work on Monday, with free entry for the first two punters. So he’s execting quite a queue. Welder and amateur psychic Mr Peculiar originally opened the “museum of the strange” in 1975 to share his collection of odd things from around the world with the public. The repainted wooden house will once again give pride of place to showcasing his unique collection of scale models made from elastic bands. I can’t wait to visit on Monday. Or another day if I’m busy watching day time telly. Yours Natalie Clifton, Tourist Information

(Above) Hugh Grant looks forward to reopening his Uncle’s World famous House Of Peculiarities next week

Annual Fan Convention This Weekend

Posted on 09/06/2015 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. A reminder for your diary; this weekend Beckworth is hosting the second annual News At Ten fan convention. The two-day event is once again being held in the scout hut and this year will be opened by ITV newsreader Julie Etchingham (I’ve no idea who she is but i’m told she is well know to some fans). Attractions at the event will be book signings and selfies with newsreaders of old, even Natasha Kaplinsky has promised to attend as her autobiography is selling poorly. There will also be a pop-up shop selling News At Ten DVDs, a cocktail bar and and the chance to win dinner at McDonalds with Fiona Bruce and Trevor McDonald. Sounds unmissable to anyone with a passing interest in the news. Yours Natalie Clifton, Tourist Information

(Above) Mrs J. Etchingham clearly looks delighted at the thought of attending this weekends’ fan convention

Karma Sutra In The Deli

Posted on 27/05/2015 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. This coming Friday the Europe’s favourite “sexually explicit” naked mime company Kama Sutra will be performing their new show Fifty Shades Of Grey in the recently repainted deli on the high street. It’s a four-hour show and is bound to be a must-see for the whole (sexually enlightened) family. Best of all it’s free, if you buy something from the cheese counter! Get there early as their shows are usually packed out, and often get stopped mid-performance by the police. We’re expecting bigger than usual interest since they auditioned, but weren’t shown on TV, for this years Britain’s Got Talent. Yours Natalie Clifton, Tourist Information

(Above) Catch Karma Sutra by the Red Leicester this Friday

Three Day Triangle Festival Opens Tomorrow

Posted on 16/08/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hi, just a reminder that tomorrow, for three days only, Beckworth will be holding the World famous International Festival of Triangles and Triangulation. Conveniently sited on the triangular traffic island outside the nuclear power station, this is the first year our town has hosted the celebration of all things three-sided, now in it’s 73rd year. For 2014 sponsorship will be courtesy of the quality cheese-maker Dairylea who will also be providing most of the exhibits and entertainment and the whole experience will take place within an inflatable pyramid, so smoking will be banned. Throughout the event music will be provided by the rock band Isosceles and the lesbian folk duo Equilateral (local band Pythagorus Theorum having pulled out due to musical differences). Noel Edmunds promises to thrill the crowds with an indoors kite display using specially built three sided kites. The festival was meant to take place over the bank holiday weekend but a mix up over dates means it is happening this week instead. The exciting “trapezoid” event will be opened at 10.30am by the inventor of the Dairylee Triangle Miss Dawn French and will see the unveiling of a geometrical World first… I’m not sure what that will be so watch this space! Thanks Natalie Clifton. Tourist Information.

(Above) The International Festival of Triangles and Triangulation Marquee

UKIP Sponsored Common Wealth Games Closing Ceremony Cancelled

Posted on 03/08/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hi, sorry for the very late notice but just to let you know that tonight’s alternative closing ceremony for the Commonwealth Games on Beckworth’s sports field has been cancelled. The local branch of UKIP, who tried to organise the event, have apologised and put the blame squarely at Noel Edmunds’ door. He’s refused to perform a stunt kite display to round off the games, but in his defence a fuming Mr Edmunds says this is just because he, and the other performers, still haven’t been paid for the opening ceremony. And like most of us he says he’d like to watch the real Glasgow closing ceremony on TV, whilst sharing a bottle of wine with his close friend Mr Blobby. Thanks Natalie Clifton. Tourist Information.

(Above) Mr Blobby fishing in his friend Noel Edmunds’ pond earlier today

Waxwork Museum Set To Open Later This Year

Posted on 26/07/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Great news for those of you already planning Christmas, unemployed taxidermist and amateur wax “sculptor” Neville Preston-Tussaud hopes to open Beckworth’s most exciting indoor tourist attraction by December. Taking inspiration from his Great Great Grandma, Mrs Madam Tussaud, Neville is to open a small waxworks museum in the garage next to his house and in his garden shed. He hopes to have at least 12 celebrity effigies on show and has already got Harry from One Direction and Prince William finished, with a half size Miley Cyrus currently in progress. As soon as I know more about the museum opening I will let you know. Thanks Natalie Clifton. Tourist Information.

(Above) Harry and William are bound to be star attractions when the waxworks opens

UKIP Sponsored Common Wealth Games Opening Ceremony Tonight

Posted on 23/07/2014 by a resident of Beckworth

Hi, I just wanted to remind you all that tonight Beckworth will host it’s own alternative opening ceremony for the Commonwealth Games on the sports field from 8pm with refreshments on sale in the scout hut. A spokesman for the local branch of UKIP, who organised the event as a demonstration against the Scottish Referendum, was quoted as saying “we just wanted to have our voice heard and point out how immigration has distorted the UK” before adding “And we can’t be arsed going all the way to Scotland to see our English boys and girls parading around with flags.” He went on to say “It’s worth having an English opening ceremony, as our team is bound to thrash all the foreigners at sport and swimming and stuff. Therefore we’re putting on an evening of only English entertainment.” I am reliably informed that this will include Noel Edmunds’ stunt kite display, music from Uncle Len & Aunt Nancy Wheely and conclude with the famed Beckworth Unicycle Formation Dance Team (featuring UKIP’s very own Nigel Farage) dancing to some Now That’s What I Call English Music CDs. It’s a free event so see you there. Thanks Natalie Clifton. Tourist Information.

(Above) Nigel Farage unicycling to the opening ceremony rehearsal earlier today

Wally In The Library

Posted on 09/06/2013 by a resident of Beckworth

Hi, I just wanted to remind parents that today Wally Walloon, the star of Belgian TV’s famous children’s show Le diable en pantalon, will be performing his one man show in the library garden. Wally, a 12-fingered master of shadow puppetry, will perform this all new show “Marie Clare Dans Le Jardin” in French with subtitles provided on a powerpoint presentation alongside, weather permitting. The show starts at 2pm and entry is £10 per child, under 3s £5 and adults £15, but hurry as there are just a handful of tickets left. Thanks Natalie Clifton. Tourist Information.

(Above) A scene from the award-winning “Marie Clare Dans Le Jardin”

See The Kama Sutra In The Market This Friday

Posted on 29/05/2013 by a resident of Beckworth

Dear all. This Friday the mime company Kama Sutra will be performing their new show Sodom and Gomorrah at 12am and 3pm in the Market Square. It’s a two-hour show for the whole family and promises to be a real treat for bored children this half-term. Best of all It’s free! But get there early because if it’s half as packed as their last show, Oedipus, it will be standing room only. Yours Natalie Clifton, Tourist Information

Life in Beckworth

Bringing you the (almost) everyday comings and goings of the residents of Beckworth, a typical English market town. Informing you about their lives through the mediums of words, images, an interactive map and stereophonic sound recordings

Category Archives: Natalie Clifton