Hello all. The Salvation Army today chose Beckworth to launch it’s new national postal service, SalvationMail, with an early morning press conference. The recently appointed head of Salvation Army marketing, Colin Bradford-Bingly, was quoted as saying “Since joining the SA from the Nuclear Industry i’ve been looking to extend the cherished Salvation brand beyond just being an army.” He continued “I’m proud to say the SA was ahead of the curve launching “chuggers”, we were the first charity with a uniform and nice hats and the first to saturate the brass band market… So the marketing team have been “blue sking” and “mind mapping” and came up with idea of launching The Salvation Air Force. Unfortunately the planes cost far too much… even the grounded ones. During a team “brain-storm” it dawned us that if we got some cheap boats it would be a a safe bet to launch The Salvation Navy. But we got into a hoohah with the RNLI over preaching to people in difficulties at sea, so that’s on the back burner for the time being.” He then added “But the recent privatisation of Royal Mail handed us a golden opportunity. The SalvationMail can deliver post at a competitive cost and spread the word of our Lord door to door at the same time. It’s a win-win situation” When asked why Beckworth was chosen for the launch Colin B-B replied “it has great road, rail and footpath connections, a lot of people looking for salvation with their mail… and besides which I live in the town so I didn’t have far to go to get to the press launch” The Salvation Mail will have it’s own stamps, with Jesus on instead of the Queen, and hopes to have it’s own letterboxes and post offices  soon “We’re starting small but are looking to rival Royal Mail within 12 months” I’ll let you know when I get more news on this enlightening story… Christine Batley. Chief God’s Own Post Correspondent. Beckworth Guardian

(Above) The world’s first SalvationMail sorting office opens in Beckworth